INTERVIEW WITH RUMPLESTILTSKIN GRINDER.

Rumplestiltskin Grinder

By Mike SOS

While corresponding with bassist/vocalist Shawn Riley and guitarist Ryan Moll of Philadelphia metal outfit Rumplestiltskin Grinder via email, we learned of this crew's strange worship ritual, how they got their name and what they've got in store now that their latest offering from Relaspe Records LIVING FOR DEATH, DESTROYING THE REST has been unleashed to the unsuspecting public.

How did you come up with the name of the band?

SR: It was bestowed upon us by the god we worship, Malebolgia.

RM: A lot of people underestimate the sheer power of Malebolgia. Not only did he create Spawn, but he has answered every one of our prayers. I've prayed to many deities in my day, but this is the only one that shows 100% results 100% of the time. I pray for money... I get money... I pray for bitches... I get bitches. Most recently I prayed for my cat to inherit human behavior. Sure enough, I came home later that night to find him lounging in my favorite reclining chair wearing my bathrobe, reading the paper and smoking a pipe. Since then, I've woken up at 6 AM every morning to eat breakfast with him and drink coffee together. I like mine a dark roast with light creme, while he prefers simple decaffeinated.

How does a RSG song get written?

SR: Just like any other music gets written. One dude is like, "check out this riff bro". Then it's like "totally killer riff dude, let's celebrate." After that we drink like four cases of beer and then write another riff a week later. Eventually we form them into songs.

RM: Sometimes we just get frustrated and just pray to Malebolgia to write a song for us. These ones usually turn out to be our hits.

Who are some of your influences? Any we'd be surprised with?

SR:Well obviously you've got thrash like Slayer, Exodus and Metallica. Then you can definitely hear shredding influences like Yngwie and King Diamond. What you might not pick up on right away is that we listen to stuff such as Offspring and more mainstream stuff like that and you can definitely hear that influence, in Matt's solos especially. The heavier punk and hardcore parts we have are influenced by older punk like Misfits and Black Flag.

RM: Most of my influences only happen when I am under them. Other than that, I listen to a bunch of different kinds of music, but I'm not sure how much influence I take from bands that I listen to that aren't metal. I think sometimes I get influenced indirectly when I'm listening to something rather non-metal and it just inspires me to want to write some killer riffs that have nothing to do with the song I am listening to at the time. I think this might also have a lot to do with my short attention span. Then there are times that I am influenced by the visions I conjure up in my head. Take for example an owl with a wooden face standing next to an old cloaked wizard carrying a staff and pointing towards the twilight in an open field. I may think of that and I'll want to write a riff that sounds like it would fit how that vision makes me feel.

How would you describe RSG to someone that never heard you before?

RM: I'd probably just play it for them and let them describe it. I hate describing our music. Thrash? I guess... But we're really much more than that… I would just say fucking METAL.

SR: I would just punch someone in the face who never heard us before.

RM: There! THAT’S what we sound like! A punch in the face. No description needed.

Why should we come see a RSG show?

SR: So you'll know what we sound like. That way when you meet us you won't get punched in the nose. We do put on an energetic show though. We fuckin’ shred dude. Seriously.

RM: Malebolgia has done miraculous things for our performance abilities.

Do you prefer the stage or the studio and why?

SR: Ah geez. The stage is definitely cool because you have a crowd but the studio is awesome cuz you're rocking like all day long. It gets intense in the studio, brah.

RM: I would have to say live. There is nothing more rewarding than playing a kick ass show in front of a bunch of people that really dig us, hell even a handful of people that really dig us. The studio is too much sitting around. I'm too fidgety. I do spinkicks in my sleep I'm told. I'm not too good with sitting still. Never have been...

When I'm not in RSG, I'm...?

SR: a douche?

RM: a gremlin.

What sets RSG apart from other bands?

RM: The fact that we base our music and our image purely on what WE want to do and not what is the current trend. We don't try to dress a certain way or write a certain way. We just do what is comfortable to us and try to make it good while having a good time with it.

SR: I guess you could say that RSG is really goofy. The music kicks ass and our attitude definitely shows that we are in this to rock without taking ourselves too seriously.

What's the toughest part of being in a metal band?

SR: Aside from the fact that only dudes come to the shows... nothing. It's cool hanging out with whomever. But like Brian Posehn says in his standup "Grow some tits and then you can have my autograph" Ha.

RM: Tits... Somehow they manage to fix everything in life.

What would you like RSG to accomplish this year?

RM: Definitely more shows. We need to get the fuck out there and play.

SR: I want to get some decent touring under our belt to really promote our new album. There are people all over the world that want to see us play so we need to get out there and give them what they want. I really want to make it to Italy, Germany and out west to California and Vancouver, Oregon, etc. It would be great to go to Canada again as well because our album's doing really well up there and it's a great time up there.

Any final words for the readers?

SR: When I first glimpsed at this question, I thought it said "Any final words for the stabbers?" In that case, stab on my friends. RSG salutes you. Don't get caught though, because we need more people on the streets that are willing to put a knife in somebody.

RM: Don't stab anyone with tits though. Or at least not IN the tits. Stab for the balls! And HAIL MALEBOLGIA!!!